Dirty Christmas Quotes


I’m taking a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas!

You know you’ve finally grown up when none of the things you want for Christmas may be bought from any store.

If I don’t see you under the Christmas tree, I’ll be going back to bed!

Bad news. Christmas was cancelled. When Santa was told you were good this year, he died laughing!

Many guys really wish they were Santa. He knows where all the naughty girls live.

Dear Santa: I can explain… no, really, I can!

Let me see if I understand this right. You want me to sit put presents under a dead tree and eat candy out of my socks. And you think I’m the one that is strange?

This Christmas, I’m gonna hide all the mistletoe, so everyone I hate can kiss my butt.

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Honestly. Okay, well most of the time. What’s that? Oh, forget it, I’ll just buy my own stuff!

The only difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods is that Santa stopped at 3 ho’s!

Last year, when I asked Santa for the sexiest person alive, I woke up in a box.

Let’s be environmentally responsible this year and save Santa a trip by being naughty!

Santa left batteries under the tree with a note that said “Due to cutbacks, toys not included.”

The tooth fairy teaches us to sell our body parts for money. The Easter bunny says it’s okay to eat those little chocolates on the ground. Santa tells us that being obese is just find, shows us how to break into homes, leaves some crappy stuff under a tree and raids the kitchen for milk, cookies and anything else he can get his fat hands on.

I’ve adopted Santa’s strategy and only visit family once a year, and only if I think they’ve been good.

Santa sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when you awake. He even knows when you’ve been bad or good, so better do what you are told. Sounds like Santa Claus is actually a stalker!

Dear Santa, Just to clarify, what you heard is right. I was very naughty, and it was worth more than the probability that I would get the present I wanted. You fat, judgmental ass.


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